Maintaining

I don't care what you can do. Show me what you can maintain.

Mistakes Are OK

Mistakes Are OK

Just as I have a zero-tolerance policy for bullying in any form, I also have a zero-tolerance policy for any type of humor based on mistakes, unless the person who has made the mistake laughs at himself or herself (which is a tricky distinction). I make it clear to the children that mistakes are an integral, necessary part of learning; that I make mistakes, as do all adults and children; and that those mistakes help us grow and learn. When the children get to the point where they realize mistakes are OK and accepted, they are much more willing to take chances. Putting oneself out on a limb to take an academic risk, whether in front of peers, in front of the teacher, or privately in one's own work, is where the true learning happens! I know I have achieved my goal of creating an accepting learning culture when I see risk taking.

Ann Card, as quoted in Teaching Boys Who Struggle in School by Kathleen Palmer Cleveland, page 82

What I Wish I Could Hear

You are good enough. I love you just the way you are. Yes, maybe you aren't as smart as her, or as good-looking as him, or as well-liked as so-and-so, but that's OK. I didn't create you to be like them. You are a precious, unique, one-of-a-kind child of God. If there are parts of you you don't like, or behaviors that cause you or others pain, I will love you and work with you through those things. Maybe you can change or improve them, and through your efforts you will learn more about yourself. You may find that some things you thought were barriers or limitations were actually only in your mind. And you may encounter other barriers and limitations in yourself that you didn't know were there, which is a humbling process, one that can help you be more understanding of and compassionate towards others. What personal limitations, strengths, flaws, and talents you have or don't have, and can change or ultimately cannot change - is what you are here in mortality to learn and experience. But before, after, during, and through all of it, the watchword is love - for yourself and for others. This includes compassion, patience, effort, sacrifice, balance, persistence, and surrender.

Baodad

I Still Pray

I still pray. Mostly my prayers are expressions of gratitude, since gratitude doesn't expect God to do anything differently. My prayer requests are mostly just for myself, to muster the courage and will to do things I feel like I need/want to do for the benefit of my family and myself. I'm not much for closing in the name of Jesus Christ anymore. My experience and study have led my to a place where I believe that Jesus is just another name for the higher power that is sought out and appealed to in almost all religions. Every religion has their name(s) for God. Why should our name for God be more special or true than other religions'?

I have fewer answers these days, and more mystery and questions. I do not know why some people suffer, and others seem to escape suffering. I don't have a lot of tolerance these days for our leaders' threats, promises, and dogmatic exhortations, but occasionally they do have some keen insights, like Boyd K. Packer in his talk "The Choice":

"Some are tested by poor health, some by a body that is deformed or homely. Others are tested by handsome and healthy bodies; some by the passion of youth; others by the erosions of age.
"Some suffer disappointment in marriage, family problems; others live in poverty and obscurity. Some (perhaps this is the hardest test) find ease and luxury.
"All are part of the test, and there is more equality in this testing than sometimes we suspect" (Oct 1980).

But I don't believe anymore that life is a black-and-white, pass-fail "test." I do believe that we are here to have experiences, "good", "bad" (although I don't think we always categorize them correctly), and "other." And all our collective human choices and mortality along with natural phenomena and chance mix together to form the experiences and feelings that we do, in fact, have "the choice" to respond to. I believe in trying to choose joy, love, kindness, compassion, and encouragement in the face of what life brings us. I believe in trying to eschew fear and feelings of superiority, righteousness, and privilege over others. Our choices determine what kind of person we become, and what kind of soul we develop.

I am trying to cultivate goodness and love in myself. I have stopped trying to cultivate the self-sacrificing, be-a-martyr, perfect goodness of Jesus. I am not against sacrifice and martyrdom, but such choices should spring wholly out of the willing and unconditional love of the person making the sacrifice.